I just found a story on bitchface, an unfortunate affliction that affects so many of us. When people ask you why you look so angry/upset/bitter—while you're feeling anything but those things—that's bitchface.
Without using the term, the article talks about how your face could be sending the wrong message—in effect, projecting an unhappy persona even if you're completely content. This has happened to me before; people have asked me why I'm so "serious," but I suspect that's only because I'm not walking around with a huge grin on my face. And then, of course, are the strangers who'll say, "Can't I get a smile? Let me see a smile!" (I usually give them a simpering grimace.) In reading the story and thinking about bitchface in general, it makes me wonder: Are men told to smile more as well? Do they worry about having "jerkface"? Somehow, I think the answer is no.
If you are prone to bitchface—and are uncomfortable with that—the story has a few suggestions. One doctor echoes the advice I once received from a dermatologist: If you don't want wrinkles, don't make any facial expressions. (Um, okay.) Otherwise, there are a few simple, non-surgical bits of advice. To find out what they are, read more
- Get relaxed. Any activity that promotes relaxation, such as yoga, tai chi, guided imagery, hypnosis or breathing, “leads to a net response of decreased muscle tension, which can make meaningful differences” to a face that looks stressed, worried, angry or tired, says clinical psychologist and dermatologist Dr. Richard Fried.
- Arch your brows. Damone Roberts, who's opening a brow-centric salon in Manhattan, says a full, gently rounded arch gives the softest, friendliest look. Be sure to pluck stray hairs, and use brow gel to keep hairs from hanging into your eyes.
- Brighten your eyes. Roberts recommends using a concealer a shade lighter than the skin under the eyes, then applying mascara and eyeliner applied to the top lashes and lids only.
- Magnify lips. To make thin lips seem plumper, Roberts says, place lip liner similar to the lips’ natural color just outside their natural lines; top with matching lipstick. (Personally, I don't like liner that goes outside the lip line, but your mileage may vary.)
Development
Calvin Klein
2two
Sadly I suffer from inadvertent b*tchface. I so don't mean to look mad or angry or super-serious but I do. I don't really know how to retrain my face to give off an non-b*tch look so I will be checking out those suggestions.
1None of my friends or relatives say that this is an issue and I know I don't exude that with them around, but when I am alone or running errands with the kids, I know I have that problem. People, guys mainly, say 'smile' which can be weird and annoying. I can't say I care all that much what complete strangers walking on the street think (sorry if that sounds awful) my only concern would be what it is doing to my face. I'll practice relaxation techniques at home, but I don't want to completely let my 'guard' down in public
2I'm a sufferer of b*tchface. Even my fiance had told me that at first, I seemed unapproachable. And,once, I had a random guy in a club ask me why I was mad! But, it's just my normal relaxed face! And if I try to look more pleasant, a lot of times I feel like I look a little TOO happy. Where's the balance?
3Wow, I never knew people suffered from this.
4I totally have b*tch face...usually because I'm so in my head thinking and my reactions show on my face...I'm not a b*tch, just focused! ha!
5people tell me to smile all the time and i tell them to eat a peach. shuts them up every time.
6I wonder how much of this has to do with where you live. From living in large cities for the past 7 years, I know I have a "street face" when I don't want to deal with anybody's shizz. When I lived in a smaller town, I didn't have to worry about looking like someone you wouldn't want to mug. Ha!
7i also think it is funny the doctors' name in that article is Dr. Fried.
8I have perpetual b*tchface!
I also hate it when people jump in my face and shout, "SMILE!!!!"
I have no control over my facial expressions. When I was in college and grad school, professors used to call on me to respond to someone else's point because if I thought it was totally
ridiculous or stupid, I apparently had a disgusted or incredulous look on my face. I used to be an admissions officer and had to be super careful not to wrinkle my nose at things prospective
students said during interviews!
9I suffer from that too...I've been told I look aloof and b*tchy but I think it has to do with the shape of my eyes and not so much the expression on my face.
10I totally have street/b*tchface so that no one approaches or messes with me. I live in a big city and my neighborhood has lots of lovelies in it. But I CANNOT stand when men give me the "Can't I get a smile?" line? Like I owe it to them. One hounded me in Dunkin Donuts and followed me all the way outside, getting angry that I would not smile for him. Mental, that one.
That's the whole reason I DON't smile is so that people like that don't think I'm being friendly and come talk to me.
Can't win.
11I definately have a problem with this! I always look pissed and I cannot help it - it's usually because I am thinking or the sun is in my eyes. Or sometimes I just dont want to talk to anyone - ha! I also, live in a big city and most of the people here have B----face as well so we never smile at each other - the ones smiling are usually tourists!
12I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only person that strangers tell to smile. Annoying. I don't tell people to stop smiling!
13I think it's better than people telling you that you look "tired" when you're perfectly rested. That's the ultimate way of someone saying you look like sh*t!
14Bella! totally!!!
15i almost have to put the b-face on! otherwise 246912461289691 more crazy people feel the need to come up to me...it's annoying really...
and i live in boston
I hate when strangers tell people to "Smiille!!" Ugh. Shutup and stop bothering peopple you don't know. Only crazy people walk around with a big smile (or a big sneer) all the time.
16I think I have this too! Glad to know there's others out there. I get so sick of people who come up to me and say, "what's wrong?" Nothing is wrong!! I hate that!
17If you live in a city, you do need a bit of the B-Face, just to get about. My mouth naturally turns down a bit at the corners, so I guess I don't always look happy. But if the corners of my mouth were always turned upward, I might look like a dolphin. I'm not sure if that is a good look. Creepy guys always ask women to smile because it feeds their fantasy of bubble-headedness, and attainability. The request usually backfires and all they get is irritability.
18I get "What's wrong?", "Who are you mad at?", "YOu look p*ssed." ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the time! I absolutley hate it b/c half the time, I'm none of those things!
19yes yes yes! i used to get this all the time when i worked in Providence! I didnt want to be bothered AT ALL so i guess it didnt work b/c i would get the men "smile!!?" ugh. i still get it sometimes in stores here in FL, but since i am in suburbia there isnt much contact daily. so glad to see others.
20hi my name is tatti & I suffer from b*tchface
21now I feel so much better that I am not the only one. You need it in the city for sure (me-DC). I avoid I contact and look 'focused'. It is a sad reality that women need to be somewhat 'on guard' in public- no matter what others may think. Let's see, a woman with a constant stupid grin getting mugged OR a b*tchface?? hmmmmm....
oops- I mean 
22Nice post
oops- *eye* not *I* (that was bad, bad, bad)!
23Even my boss and coworkers think I'm upset! I have also been told on the street or in bars that I look mad! It's very annoying, but if I smile a lot, then I blush if I get compliments. I live in a big city too - I definitely have my "public transportation face."
24haha this is hysterical! i totally have b*tchface lol and most of the time i don't really care! my mouth turns down too slumberlite. i'm not from a city but i have a bit of city girl in me- maybe that is it. i've been told i'm unapproachable too, but i'm not concerned lol but i'm glad to know i'm not the only one
25I HATE when strangers ask me to smile. If someone asks if they can "Get a smile" they get a snarl instead!
26It's nice to know this is a common "affliction" and I'm not the only one told to smile all the time. Don't people get that sometimes you can be perfectly happy without a huge stupid grin plastered on your face at all times?
27I've had this happen to me pretty often and I don't live in a big city.
Once, this creepy guy followed me around the grocery store and right thru the checkout line and was bothering me about smiling at him.
28OH MY GOD!!!! I almost spit out my tea!!! These comments are cracking me up-I'm crying!!!! I thought I was alone. I thought I was the only one who suffered from b*tchface! Now all we need is for Pfizer or some drug company to come out with a pill to combat b*tchface with mild side effects like diarrhea, nausea, drymouth, and causes heart failure. We should come up with a t-shirt that says "I don't suffer from b*tchface...so don't ask me to smile"!!!
29i'm guilty of this. i don't mean to do it....it's not like i walk around aware of what kind of expression i have on my face. nor do i really care. it just gets me when someone will mention something about it. then my b****face turns into a real b****face!
30Guilty ... I suffer from this at times ... and i absolutely hate it when people say ,,, smile smile ... blah blah blah sometimes i dont want to smile OK!!
anyways yeah i suffer from this to time to time : )
31I am SO releived that I am not the only one! people are always saying things like that to me, and I wonder if i am putting people off!
32one thing people always say when i'm out is, "are you having fun?" sympathetically sometimes. i'm like, YES! what do you want me to do, jump up and down and laugh hysterically? do i have to be telling a joke every second so you know i'm not upset? ugh.
here's something i tried you guys, and I think it helps!
Make your normal relaxed face, and look at it in the mirror. look away from the mirror and smile...just a little bit. look back in the mirror and see what that looks like for you.
when i did that, i was so amazed! what i thought was a slight smile for me actually looked like a straight face in the mirror! i couldn't believe it. i will no longer feel silly walking around with a slight smile, like i have a secret. I realize that actually looks like a plain poker face for me and hopefully I don't make people think i'm hateful or angry anymore!
33It certainly isn't a picnic having Compulsive Happy Face. I once had a really bad case of the flu, and the doctor said to me "How can I believe that you're really sick if keep looking so happy?"
34Oh, but my husband has the male equivalent of b*tchface. On our wedding day I finally had to tell the photographer to leave him alone and stop telling him to smile. It's just not his thing.
35Ive been told I suffer from "why you so put out" face. I so don't feel that way though!
36I als suffer from the b*face syndrome. People ask me "What's wrong" or "Smile, everything will be okay". I find it very annoying as well. But on the upside when I do smile I've been told my smile lights up the room. Isn't there a happy medium somewhere???
37I love the t-shirt idea. Pop, bella, team- we need some more novelty items like that!
38Once I was having a sh*tty night (ex was across the bar w/ some chick) & some dude walked up to me & said "you'd look alot better if you smiled" I wanted to punch him...
39I took a class on Feminist Legal Theory and we had a discussion on this very topic. One of the many conclusion was that men often see women as beautiful things and not necessarily critical thinking persons like themselves. They expect women to smile and look pretty all the times so when women aren't smiling, they think that there is something wrong. Not that she looks mean, just that she's not smiling. Anyway, we get the "Smile sweetheart" command in order to make men more comfortable. It is perfectly acceptable for men to look serious when they are deep in thought, but women for some reason are seen as mean.
40wow! i never knew that there was a name for this. i wouldn't say i "suffer" from it, but i'm totally guilty of it. it's involuntary. but at the same time, i don't want to be one of those people who have a goofy grin constantly plastered across their faces (no offense to those who do) b/c that's just not me.
i have been told i was 'unapproachable' before, that i was too uptight, etc. i just retort that i'm so laid back that you can't tell i'm laid back
41Good, so now everyone knows b*tchface exists and is a common problem. So everyone will spread the word and then nobody will ever ask another b*tchface victim stupid questions like " yre u pissed off??" ; "y so tensed/sad?" or " who died?". So I day dream and think too much- so what??? :S smiling isn't a law.
42thankfully, the one plus point of b*tchface is not having to deal w/ annoyin people since most of em are too intimidated to bother you
OH MY!! I am laughing so hard right now. I seriously thought I was the only one!! It makes me feel soooooo much better that all of ya'll share this affliction. lol.
43I ABSOLUTELY HATE it when strange creepy people say "smile sweetheart" and try to ask what's wrong. Like as if some stranger asking me will make me feel all of the sudden happy and elated. I think that there is an afflication for creepy people that ask us to smile (perhaps "manner-itis", an allergy to manners???)
I have noticed that it's ALWAYS men who make the "smile!" comment. To me, there is no surer way to make me NOT smile than to say that to me! I can't imagine commenting on a perfect stranger's expression, but a lot of men have no problem doing it. Simpletons.
44Didn't even know there was a term for it: b*tchface. Well, I gots a case of b*tchface occasionally then. I'm not very expressive in my face a lot of the time, for some reason how I feel does not compute to my face. Some people have told me that they thought I didn't like them because of lack of expression. I mean, I smile and I laugh, but I'm not one to smile or laugh for no reason, especially if I'm not feeling like it.
sashak, your comment is hilarious!
45I must admit i also suffer from this.. i mean sometimes i am a lil b*tchy haha.. but most of the time im actually just day dreaming or reading something.. or just pretending to look busy and i get the.. smile you look so much prettier... so what are they sayin i look ugly if i dont smile lol... but no really i get random ppl tellin me to smile.. n i cant help it.. thats just how i look when im relaxed lol .. i think i should carry a card that says.. im sorry im a b*tchface sufferer!! im really happy inside!! lol
46Being told to smile used to really piss me off, even though I wasn't in a bad mood at all before. Why do people think it's okay to tell someone that?! Is it some sort of stupid pick-up line? I just don't respond, that way I don't risk having to converse with someone stupid enough to say that in the first place.
47Being told to smile used to really piss me off, even though I wasn't in a bad mood at all before. Why do people think it's okay to tell someone that?! Is it some sort of stupid pick-up line? I just don't respond, that way I don't risk having to converse with someone stupid enough to say that in the first place.
48Oh my god I totally have this, people tell me I look mad all the time, when I'm not. It happened again last week and this guy totally pissed me off saying that I was frowning, when I wasn't. I mean what am I supposed to do walk around with a grin on my face all the time? Then people would think I was crazy.
49It's funny, I read this in the morning, then I had a job interview downtown (I live in Denver, so it's a marginally big city) in the afternoon. I got myself all prettied up, skirt, heels, the works and I'm walking along, avoiding all eye contact (I like to avoid the crazy people) and sure enough, some guy starts staring at me and then tells me to smile. I completely ignored him. But still! Ugh! I thought it was so off-putting. I just have a straight face, what do I need to be smiling for? And then.. I thought it was super ironic that I had just read this.
The person who said that it was all about men (who are the only ones who say it, I've noticed also) wanting to feel more comfortable... I think that's so true. And obnoxious.
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