How's this for a tagline: "Wear something Scoundrel: It's sophisticated. It's elegant . . . and there's something sexy about it, too." Revlon created this '80s fragrance around Alexis Carrington, the devilish Dynasty minx played by Joan Collins. Sadly, the end of this retro gem is cut off, but if you're dying to find out more, there's always this press kit for the scent on eBay. Current bid: one dollar.
In this disco-centric Maybelline gloss commercial of the late-1970s, we're asked dippy riddles, like "What kisses your lips, but isn't human?" "What tastes great, but adds no weight?" and "What's a sweet treat you can't eat?" Riddle me amused, albeit slightly disturbed by the sugary-sweetness.
Almost every star has to pay her dues before making it big. Such is the case with the star of this 1983 commercial. And boy, did she pay her dues with this one. She drives around with a pompadour mullet, flirts with a guy who looks like he walked out of Bright Lights, Big City, seductively pumps a little gas, and finally throws the guy into a pool. Can you tell who it is?
Ballet instructors have enough to worry about without freaking out about dandruff. These and other important lessons will be learned in this earnest, hokey Head and Shoulders spot from the '60s.
I don't know about you, but when I think of natural-looking makeup, I picture lavender eye shadow, violently applied blush, and frosted lipstick. Fortunately, we have this hilarious straight-from-the-'80s video, in which Knots Landing star Donna Mills shows you how to get in touch with your sensual side. (Apparently, doing so involves purring while taking a bubble bath, then wearing shoulder pads galore.) Check it out if you want a laugh, but don't get too flashy. There's a time and a place for flash, after all.
The Internet just lets childhood embarrassments live on and on, doesn't it? My childhood BFF recently sent me this video as a reminder of our junior-high crushes on the Guys Next Door. Developed at the height of NKOTB mania, the Guys had a Saturday morning variety show that was ostensibly funny. We thought it was so cool, and much more sophisticated than the New Kids were. (It wasn't.) So at the risk of being mocked, here's an excruciatingly corny video for "Bad Hair Day." I'd argue that most of the "good" hairstyles are pretty heinous, but you be the judge.
Do you need to get a grip or, dare I say, a Bold Hold? Well, I sure do . . . after busting up over this busted commercial from the '80s. It was a pretty memorable decade of teased hair and big bangs, and this beauty flashback brings those frightfully feathered looks to the forefront once again.
This 1970 commercial provides so much insight into the polyester era's dating habits. Apparently, to snag a man, follow this woman's lead by obviously dropping your scarf on the ground. Susan here is all smoove-lovah until she thinks she might have dandruff. The horror! Fortunately, all you need to do is shampoo your hair outside of the shower, and then you'll be playing Drop the Kerchief all night long. Cue the sexy jams.
They say you have to suffer to be beautiful, but this commercial from the '50s takes the concept to a scary new level. I don't want to ruin the surprise for you, but I will say that I've been looking for a way to incorporate Geiger counters into my beauty routine, and now I have found it. Horrifying.
I have always hoped to experience "resemblances of fragrances," but I never dared to dream that they'd be hawked by a dude who sounds like the missing link between Bela Lugosi and Pepe le Pew. Now I'll be ready when I'm on the go, when I have a full agenda ahead of me, or a special evening relaxing at home. (Can't get enough perfume knockoffs? Try this trivia quiz to test your recall.)
