bizarre beauty

There are plenty of quirky beauty ads out there, some verging on the uncomfortable (anyone else remember having to watch those Herbal Essences "orgasm" commercials with their parents?). Of all the off-kilter ad campaigns that get made, though, there are a few that are truly bizarre and even appalling. Take a look at five bonkers commercials when you keep reading.

In news that's too good to be True Blood, it seems Vampire Bill and company will now be able to enjoy fragrances that recall their favorite blood types. Italian brand Blood Concept is coming out with four fragrances designed to align with the four most common blood types. According to the brand's website, "A, B, AB, and O retrace the evolution of manhood through time and its record of information, history and mutation, so well kept in the vital flushing of blood." To find out more about these scents and see the concept for your blood type, just keep reading.

Eighteenth-century beauties like Marie-Gabrielle Capet (pictured) were apparently fond of pig fat face creams, strawberry and white wine face wash, and enormous fake moles, according to a fascinating Art of Beauty podcast from Colonial Williamsburg historical interpreter Meg Brown. The podcast is full of great facts about what women were using to keep themselves looking good in the colonial period, and Brown even gives out her favorite old-timey beauty recipes.

While the ingredients in skin care have certainly evolved over the last three centuries, apparently many of the old recipes are still decent. Brown even says she's replaced her regular moisturizer with one made from the aforementioned hog's lard because her skin is dry, and fat-based "rose balm" is an excellent hydrator. I don't know if I'd be willing to try the balm, but I'd be willing to give one of the other recipes a go. How about you?

Japan is a land of magical candy — just check out the best-selling soy sauce-flavored Kit Kats to see how different Japanese treats can be from American ones.

Then there's Beauty Aid, shown here. It promises to make you look prettier through the power of fruity hard candy. I'm sure you'll be shocked — shocked! — to discover that these kitschy candies are mostly sugar, which is highly unlikely to do much for your hair or skin. Flavor-wise, these were nothing to write home about. But if candy puts a smile on your face, perhaps Beauty Aid can make a person prettier after all.

Forget about putting lipstick on a pig — in England, people are worried about putting makeup on dogs. Officials from this month's Crufts Dog Show warned entrants that they'd be on the lookout for any dogs who seemed to be getting a little cosmetic help. While show rules don't specifically forbid using makeup on the woofers, they do "forbid anything that alters an animal's appearance during dog shows," the Telegraph reports.

It might sound silly, but it's serious business. One company creates doggy-specific nose paint and hair spray for fur. Dog World magazine recommends using Clearasil to treat canine acne. And some owners of hairless dogs are smearing them with Nair. It all seems unnecessary and ridiculous — especially because last year's Crufts winner turned out to be a natural beauty. Can you ever imagine putting a dog through beauty rituals?

Meet Megan Barnes, a Florida woman who recently decided to groom her bikini area . . . while driving. Allegedly, she was shaving the area before a date with her boyfriend. With her ex-husband steering the car from the passenger seat, Barnes collided with a pickup truck. (Nobody was hurt.) She kept driving before the fuzz pulled her over; turns out she was driving with a suspended license and had been convicted of a DUI the previous day. She's been charged with one felony and two misdemeanors and is waiting for her day in court. Talk about a hairy situation.

Source

In a world where vajacials are listed on a spa's menu and disturbingly wacky ladyparts trends are thrown our way, here's something to add to the excess — the Va J-J Visor ($10 for six). I groan at the name, although I suppose it's slightly better than the Hoo Ha Hoodie.

Similar to a cup for women, this gynecologist-invented disposable covering is intended to protect the dainty bits. Its suggested usage is to cover the region while tanning; for hygienic use while trying on underwear or swimsuits; for privacy when getting tattooed or pierced; and, of course, for hair removal. (I think it may be more awkward to wear a vulvar visor during a wax than to go naked, but that's just me.) Shaped to be held into place by your own natural muscular movement, the Va J-J Visor can also be "suctioned" on. Oh, and the one-use visors are recyclable, too. The mind reels. What do you think about this thing?

Have you ever thought, "My life would be so much better if only there were a facial for my crotch"? Me neither, but San Francisco's Stript Wax Bar is introducing the Vajacial. Suggested for women who get Brazilian waxes, the trademarked treatment aims to do for your ladybits what a facial does for your face. "We developed the Vajacial to really address and treat the key needs of anyone who gets waxed," Stript owner Katherine Goldman said in a press release. "Your 'little lady' will thank us!"

Meant to be performed a week after waxing, the 50-minute treatment ($60) involves four steps. First, skin is cleansed with an antibacterial body wash and witch hazel. Then, a papaya-based exfoliating gel goes on before the esthetician extracts ingrown hairs. After that, an anti-freckle, anti-acne, or calming mask is applied. It finishes off with an application of lightening cream. (Unless the esthetician plans to put a mask on a client's vaginal walls, shouldn't this treatment be called the Vulvacial?)

Oh, where to begin? Lots to say on this one, so read more.

Oh, those wacky art students. What will they think of next? Central Saint Martins design student Ryan McSorley has created a final project that gives a new definition to Chanel skin care. His prototype for a Chanel beauty package features a headband that leaves a mark. As he explains: "There is a silicone Chanel logo on the underside of the headband which during the night leaves an imprint of the Chanel logo on the skin, which is visible for a few hours. People can then clearly see that the owner uses Chanel skin care and not some other brand. Their skin has been branded Chanel."

My inner Naomi Klein reads McSorley's concept as a subversive take on branding, but it might not be. While his idea is purely academic, wearing Chanel on our skin isn't that far-fetched an idea — just look at Kaiser Karl's temporary tattoos available this season. What do you think of this school project?